How to Write an Engaging Memoir

Many first-time memoirists are surprised by how hard it is to write a great memoir. Unlike fiction, the problem is not in creating the story but in how to tell it over. You sit down with a story that matters to you, one that you feel will change lives for the better, and you start writing about what happened. You make sure the facts are right and the timeline is clear. You fill in any missing pieces.

But somewhere along the way, the pages can start to feel flat. You might think writing this thing should be easy—you were there, and you know what happened—but there’s something blocking the story from being fully immersive. There’s a connection missing.

And thus begins the pattern I see in memoir after memoir: The author is writing facts instead of feelings. Explanations instead of lived moments. In short, they’re writing nonfiction instead of fiction.

Now, you might say, “Duh, Adina. Memoir is nonfiction.” And yes, it is. But holding too tightly to that idea can warp the book. It can turn something full of emotion and transcendence into a dry, dull, dead thing. (Sorry, I can’t resist the alliteration.)

Over the years, I’ve worked on several fantastic memoirs, including Five Million Steps, Even If I’m Not, and I Don’t Got This. They’re each unique, with their own stories, voices, and lessons, which is something I love about memoir. What makes a memoir compelling isn’t just the story. (This is evident by how many medical memoirs are out there.) A memoir that truly engages the reader is marked by the author’s personal inner journey and the vulnerability in how they give it over. And it is through fiction writing, ironically, that we learn how to do this.

Short Takeaways on How to Write a Memoir

• Treat your memoir like a story by writing scenes that feel lived rather than narrated.

• Get clear on your character arc because what truly matters is how you changed and why that change matters.

• Show more than you tell by using sensory detail, dialogue, and emotion instead of summarizing what happened.

• While you may not be able to remember every little detail, recreate moments as best you can and stay faithful to the heart of what really happened.

So, What Makes a Good Memoir?

A good memoir feels like you’re sitting across from someone telling you their story. It reads like fiction, with vivid scenes and emotive dialogue, not a dry recap of events. The writing feels alive.

Do memoirs need to be true? A hundred percent. There’s a trust contract between you and the reader—they expect that what you’ve written really happened. (And there are many scandals when that contract is broken.) But when it comes to how you tell the truth, you need to step outside of your journalism degree and enter the land of storytelling. As a book editor, this is the biggest thing I’ve seen memoirists struggle with. And it’s the obstacle that must be overcome to produce an engaging, impactful memoir.

How to Write a Great Memoir

So how do you write a compelling memoir while staying true to the facts of the story you want to tell?

Let’s look at the two symptom areas I’ve seen arise from this struggle and learn some tips for writing a memoir that engages your reader. Developing a strong memoir writing style starts with addressing the core problem: You’re not writing nonfiction. You’re writing fiction (which happens to be true). 

1. Are You Struggling to Find Your Memoir Arc?

Character arc is discussed a lot in fiction writing, but it’s not something many writers of memoir think about. A memoir is, at its core, a character-driven story. You become fundamentally changed because of an experience you went through. The formula of an arc is that a person faces X and must learn Y in order to Z. For example, in Educated, Tara Westover’s journey of education allows her to break free from an abusive family and create her own life and reality.

Throughout a person’s life, we will (hopefully) go through dozens if not hundreds of growth arcs. We start off one way, and through obstacles, we learn something and change as a result. An entire life will have an overall, giant arc, but beneath that are dozens of smaller arcs that lead us to who we are.

A memoir, by definition, focuses on one aspect or event in a person’s life. It’s not an autobiography. A memoir acts as a container for one vital arc that you’ve experienced. From naivete to educated. From bitterness to acceptance. From depression to self-love. This main arc represents the main theme of your memoir.

It can be difficult sometimes to see your own arc. Often, through writing the memoir, you realize the changes you’ve gone through and lessons you’ve learned. This is crucial to making your memoir work. Without that arc, you’re basically telling a story without the punch line. It lacks meaning. Ideally, see if you can identify this before you start writing, as it will guide you throughout the writing process.

Questions to Ask to Find Your Arc

Before the defining event in your life happened:

Where was I, not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually? What did I believe about myself and others? What was holding me back? What kind of things was I telling myself? What were my biggest struggles at that time? How were they manifesting in my day-to-day life?

Looking back at the entirety of the event:

What did this experience teach me? How did it change how I view myself or the world around me? How do I show up for others? What differences, if any, are there in how I go about my day? What is one thing I gained that completely changed who I am?

These are not always easy things to answer. But they are your character arc, for this specific memoir, anyway. It doesn’t mean you’re now a perfect human being. (If you were perfect, you’d be dead, as there wouldn’t be any point in you being here anymore.) But it means you learned something, you grew, you changed, and that is part of the human experience that your readers can relate to.

2. Are You Telling Instead of Showing?

The other day I went to a class, and there was a large fly buzzing around us for twenty solid minutes. We opened the door. We got a cup to trap it. We constantly had to pause as the fly dive-bombed us. Finally, it landed in front of me, and I killed it with my notebook. The end.

What I just wrote was information. It was not a scene. It had material for a scene, definitely, but it contained no sensory detail, dialogue, or emotion. When writing about past events, it’s very easy to fall back on writing facts. We state what happened. We narrate. In other words, we tell instead of show. It’s much faster and easier to write like this, and if that’s what it takes to get your first draft done, go for it. But the second draft cannot stay in telling mode. That will deprive the reader of a truly immersive experience.

A scene, in contrast, brings the reader into the action and allows them to feel what the point-of-view character (i.e., you) felt. Description opens the five senses, and dialogue allows them to hear and connect with the characters. It makes the moment real. And if the moment is real, the moment has weight.

The Three Elements That Make a Scene Breathe

There are many books out there on how to craft a scene. But here are three main focus areas to consider to draw out the moment:

1. Senses

   What did I see/hear/feel/smell/touch/taste throughout the scene? Which of those are the most vital to bring the reader into the moment?

2. Dialogue

   What was said and how was it said?  What did the characters’ tone or body language reveal? Where can dialogue replace explanation?

3. Emotions

   How did I feel when x, y, z happened? Did my emotions shift as the scene unfolded? Was there more than one feeling at play?

   
   

These focus areas allow the reader to see what you saw, hear what you heard, and feel what you felt.

How Do You Portray Emotions in Memoir Writing?

Writers of nonfiction, particularly journalists, have trouble bringing out the emotion of a moment. They’re used to stating facts, not opinions. But readers don’t care about facts. They want to know how you felt. This can be a difficult thing to face, especially with more traumatic material. But if you withhold emotion from a scene, it simply won’t land.

The key questions to ask yourself to draw out that emotion are “How did that make me feel?” and then “What was my physical reaction to that?” For example, a line someone said may have hurt you, but instead of telling the reader “That hurt,” you’ll instead show how that hurt manifested physically: “Tears stung my eyes.” This adds depth to the scene and allows the reader to connect with you, the narrator.

The Highlighter Test: Are You Over-Narrating?

Lee Gutkind talks about a highlighter exercise in his book You Can’t Make This Stuff Up. He advises going through each chapter, and when you come across action, highlight it. When you come to reflection or information, don’t highlight. The goal is for you to see how often you are narrating and how often you are using scene so the reader can watch the show. The point is not for the entire manuscript to be highlighted. Telling absolutely has its place. But the majority of your memoir should be full of yellow.

If you find non-highlighted areas that could and should be a scene, use the tips above to develop it. As you do so, focus on recreating the moment.

Creation vs Recreation: What’s the Difference?

In fiction, we create. We are inventing characters and making up their emotions.

In memoir, we recreate. We are remembering people and recalling how things felt.

This is another important distinction that Gutkind discusses. We obviously can’t remember word-for-word what someone said. We might not know with certainty what body language they had at that moment or what the carpet looked like. This is why some recreation is necessary; there are some details we have to fill in to the best of our knowledge.

Will it be exactly true to what happened? Probably not, but the reader understands, and as long as it’s mostly true and done with good intentions, it’s okay. Focus on recreating the moment to the best of your ability, and you will keep the trust contract intact.

Are You Ready to Write Your Great Memoir?

Now that you know the key to writing an engaging memoir, it’s time to put that knowledge into practice. As you work on your memoir, lean into a fiction mindset. Get clear on your character arc, focus on theme, and turn information into action. When you can make the emotions pop off the page, that’s when your memoir will live on in your reader even after they put down the book.

Writing a memoir can be emotionally draining work. And although finishing the draft is a huge milestone, it isn’t the final step. With experience editing more than 130 books and a particular focus on memoir at EdelmanEdits, I know how to help writers move from a completed manuscript to a compelling one. I would love to hear about your project and see how we can strengthen it together. Let’s talk!

FAQs About Writing an Engaging Memoir

What is the purpose of a memoir?

The purpose of a memoir is to explore the meaning of lived experience. Rather than simply recording events, a memoir reflects on them and shapes them into a story that reveals growth or understanding.

How does a memoir differ from a personal essay?

A memoir differs from a personal essay in that it tells a larger, sustained story rather than exploring a single idea. A memoir follows an arc across multiple scenes, while a personal essay typically centers on one experience or insight in a shorter, more contained form.

Can a memoir be written in third person?

A memoir can be written in third person, but it is most often written in first. Third-person point of view can create distance or a stylistic effect, yet the “I” perspective is more common because memoir centers on personal experience. If you are thinking of writing your memoir in third-person POV, ask yourself why: What benefit does that POV give you for your story?

How can I make my memoir more relatable to readers?

You can make a memoir more relatable by shaping it like a story with a clear character arc and vivid scenes so readers can experience events alongside you rather than being told about them. Specific details and honest reflection help readers see themselves in your experience, even if their circumstances differ from yours.

About Adina

Adina Edelman is a book editor who works with authors of memoir and fiction, especially historical, mystery, sci-fi/fantasy, literary, and middle-grade fiction. She’s all about mining your message, unearthing the gold in your story—not just the grammar errors.

Adina has worked on over 130 titles in the past five years (and published one of her own). She offers 30-minute coaching sessions alongside her editing services.

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